I first read How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk when I was a graduate student working to develop a program to prevent depression in children. I was preparing to lead my first group of seventh graders and I wanted to strengthen my listening skills. I knew my ability to listen to the kids would make all the difference in their willingness to express themselves. What I read in this book resonated with me and it helped me to relax and connect with the kids. However, it wasn't until I had children of my own that I understood the deep wisdom of this book.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Your Kids Will Talk focuses on the topics that every parent will face, such as:

• Helping kids to express and manage their feelings
• Building independence
• Giving effective praise
• Encouraging cooperation

I have pulled this book from my bookshelf over and over again to help with my kids. It helps when I feel confused by something one of my children says; when I'm uncertain about the meaning behind their questions; when I'm looking for ways to best help them express what they are feeling; or when I want to remind myself how my young daughter hears what I'm saying.

As the authors describe, the cornerstone of a strong relationship between a parent and a child is communication. Effective communication requires both speaking and listening. It builds empathy and trust between parent and child and is critical for children's overall well-being. In How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, you'll learn how to understand the meaning behind your children's questions, how to best praise and encourage, how to transmit values, control anxiety, and deepen empathy and confidence. It's a book about raising emotionally intelligent children.

As you read this book, you might consider the following questions.

• Which emotions am I most comfortable expressing? Which emotions are hard for me to express?
• What are some of the messages around emotions I send my children? What are messages around emotions that I might be sending unintentionally?
• How do I help my child deal with disappointment? What do I do that shows my child that I want to understand what he or she is feeling? What do I do that shows my child I am not interested in what he or she is feeling?
• How do I praise and encourage my children? When I praise my children, do I tend to use "person praise" and say things like "You're so smart" or do I use "process praise" and say things like "You used so many adjectives in your essay — I felt like I could almost see what you were describing!" What does each form of praise communicate to my children?
• What are the ways in which my child and I communicate effectively? When do my child and I feel most connected to each other and understood? How can I build on these moments?